Conflicted: Why Everybody's Talking and Nobody's Listening (And What to do About it)
- Downloads：7310
- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-05-18 10:51:09
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Ian Leslie
- ISBN：0571346944
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
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Summary
In our highly connected but increasingly polarised world， where potential conflicts seem to lurk behind every headline， timeline and professional encounter， it's tempting to seek to coerce， persuade， assuage or smooth over our differences。 But Ian Leslie makes a cogent and illuminating argument that in fact， if we are to avoid mediocre， unproductive groupthink， festering resentments and even outright violence， we need to get better at disagreement。 Delving into the work of expert communicators - including leading therapists， interrogators and crisis negotiators - Leslie demonstrates how their techniques can help us learn to disagree better， and in doing so， make our work， friendships， marriages and family lives flourish。
Reviews
Mark Mills
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Very sharp and persuasive argument。 Has a counterintuitive framing without being contrarian for the sake of it。
Matt Whitby
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A really interesting read。 Well worth revisiting。
I Know Foucault
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I’m a sucker for books that tell me what I’m doing wrong。 Ian Leslie’s book was a welcome read。 I wasn’t wholly convinced by the closing chapters， and the opening chapters almost saw me give up。 I’m glad I persevered。What I particularly liked about the book was the engaging way of writing that Ian Leslie has。 I even read the acknowledgments pages， his style is so good。
Muneer Uddin
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This book not only taught me how to disagree with people productively， it also taught me what I’ve been doing wrong in my interactions with a particularly vexatious person in my life。This is a very well written and engaging book。 Often， when I read a book that is labeled as a business book， it consists of a central thesis that could have been stated in a short article。 The thesis is then padded with examples and restatements that make reading the book tedious and boring。 Not here。 Leslie weaves This book not only taught me how to disagree with people productively， it also taught me what I’ve been doing wrong in my interactions with a particularly vexatious person in my life。This is a very well written and engaging book。 Often， when I read a book that is labeled as a business book， it consists of a central thesis that could have been stated in a short article。 The thesis is then padded with examples and restatements that make reading the book tedious and boring。 Not here。 Leslie weaves in the main point of each chapter with engaging and enlightening illustrations that serve to make that concept crystal clear。 If only all “business” books could be like this one， the genre wouldn’t get such a bad rap。As I read the chapters in this book， I was reminded of a person who I recently cut out of my life。 This person is an inveterate conspiracy theorist， addicted to contrarianism to the point that he believes that Covid vaccines turn people into butterflies。 As I read each chapter in the book， my mind would go to some error I’d made when interacting with this person。 I felt pretty bad about this until I reached Chapter 14。 That chapter said that not all disagreements are worth your time。 It’s OK to refuse to engage with people who consistently operate in bad faith or who are totally closed to new ideas。 While I won’t talk to this person ever agaon if I can help it， I’m going to remember these tips when I engage with others。This is an eye opening book， accessible yet packed with too many insights to mention。 I highly recommend it。 。。。more
Nick Salenga
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This is a great book that is fascinating deep dive into disagreement in how it goes wrong & can go right in it's powerful insights are wrapped in gripping stories。 This is a great book that is fascinating deep dive into disagreement in how it goes wrong & can go right in it's powerful insights are wrapped in gripping stories。 。。。more
Brieuc
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A book that offers some precious （starting） points about conflicts and how to handle them。 First， realize that conflicts are not bad and disagreements can be productive。 The question， then， becomes: how to have productive disagreements？ One could think very well that the answer is "just to be logic"， i。e。 being fully into facts and logic。 While this is certainly true， it is not the full answer， as the author shows how much conflicts are social phenomena ; how connecting to someone prior to a dis A book that offers some precious （starting） points about conflicts and how to handle them。 First， realize that conflicts are not bad and disagreements can be productive。 The question， then， becomes: how to have productive disagreements？ One could think very well that the answer is "just to be logic"， i。e。 being fully into facts and logic。 While this is certainly true， it is not the full answer， as the author shows how much conflicts are social phenomena ; how connecting to someone prior to a disagreement can make it less confrontational ; how certain conflicts are less about content level and more about relationship level， or can become unsolved when both sides focus on different levels。In some sense， a lot of the advice here can be found by the golden rule of ethics， i。e。 do not do onto others as you would not like others do to you: try to be curious -- best is to be curious for the sake of understanding， and not simply for the sake of winning an argument --， acknowledge when you are unsure or that you might not know the full truth， apologize when due， do not destroy people's sense of identity， be authentic。Of course， that's a nice program， but it's easier said than done。 I think one of two main shortcomings of the book （the other is using some narratives， and especially historical ones， in a way I suspect to be quite careless， i。e。 without checking the work of modern historians） is that it gives almost no exercise to practice。 Obviously， roleplaying conflicts， maybe having disagreements on the internet with this book in hand， and imagining scenarios in one's head are ways of that。 So is， also， re-reading this book， something I most likely will do in the somewhat-near future。 。。。more
Mark Rimelspach
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Book emphasised the importance of disagreements in moving forward with changes and innovation and the rules to follow to achieve that end。 I really liked the historical events used to highlight the various steps to have productive disagreements。
Angel Eduardo
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This was the book I’d been waiting for。 Conflicted breaks down all the ways we can approach our discourse with tact， humility， and compassion for our interlocutors。 If everyone on social media read this book， we’d all be better off。 I can’t recommend it enough。
Chris Boutté
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This book from Ian Leslie quickly became one of my favorites on this subject。 Most books that discuss conflict say they have the goal of decreasing polarization and encouraging conversations， but I think they miss the mark。 Don't get me wrong， I love books like The Coddling of the American Mind， but it's easy to see how people can feel attacked by the book。 Rather than taking a "toughen up" and "be more resilient" stance， Ian Leslie sells his ideas by explaining how conflict is one of the health This book from Ian Leslie quickly became one of my favorites on this subject。 Most books that discuss conflict say they have the goal of decreasing polarization and encouraging conversations， but I think they miss the mark。 Don't get me wrong， I love books like The Coddling of the American Mind， but it's easy to see how people can feel attacked by the book。 Rather than taking a "toughen up" and "be more resilient" stance， Ian Leslie sells his ideas by explaining how conflict is one of the healthiest things we can have in any relationship。 Through this book， you'll find how conflict can help with your home， family， work， and intimate relationships。 The first part of this book lays the foundation by explaining that conflict is not only inevitable， but it's necessary。 I've seen how true this is because I'm in the healthiest relationship of my life because we're not afraid to work through conflict。 I have the best job of my life because my company fosters a culture of healthy conflict and disagreement。 If you're not able to challenge thoughts and ideas in a calm， mature way， you can quickly get stuck in an echo chamber that leads to disaster。 But how do we navigate conflict in a healthy way？ Well， that's what the second half of this book is all about。 Through stories and psychological research， Ian Leslie teaches everyone the importance of conflict， and I really hope this book gets the attention it deserves。 。。。more
Richard Sanderson
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How to argue and why you shouldThis is a terrific book， written with a wit and lightness of touch that moves you forward effortlessly。 It's also full of surprises and counter intuitive facts。 Whilst it's hugely enjoyable， it's also useful and I shall certainly try to use the toolkit in here in future disagreements。 The crux of the book's argument is that without disagreement we don't progress， a point made beautifully clear through many examples。 Recommended。 How to argue and why you shouldThis is a terrific book， written with a wit and lightness of touch that moves you forward effortlessly。 It's also full of surprises and counter intuitive facts。 Whilst it's hugely enjoyable， it's also useful and I shall certainly try to use the toolkit in here in future disagreements。 The crux of the book's argument is that without disagreement we don't progress， a point made beautifully clear through many examples。 Recommended。 。。。more
Kathy Cowie
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To be reviewed in the May-June issue of Global Business and Organizational Excellence， a Wiley publication。
Kristine
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Conflicted by Ian Leslie is a free NetGalley ebook that I read into early January。Normally， speech is used in an overt and mildly symbolic way and codeswitching based on the company you keep with arguments normally being perceived as personal attacks with words being volleyed like shrapnel。 However， this book encourages the use of arguments to a positive and productive end， while listening for both logical and emotive statements， meeting someone at their level and deescalating， giving options， g Conflicted by Ian Leslie is a free NetGalley ebook that I read into early January。Normally， speech is used in an overt and mildly symbolic way and codeswitching based on the company you keep with arguments normally being perceived as personal attacks with words being volleyed like shrapnel。 However， this book encourages the use of arguments to a positive and productive end， while listening for both logical and emotive statements， meeting someone at their level and deescalating， giving options， getting past initial impressions， checking your own ego and predispositions， be open to listening， and gauging interest， all while not going in with a plan。 。。。more
Marc Howard
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